Common Mistakes of Parents

  1. Failing to understand a child’s mind and view point: - One day when my friend returned home, he saw his three years old daughter crying.  One leg of her doll was pulled out by a neighbour’s son.  This incidence had upset her very much.  He quickly rushed to the market and bought a new attractive and costly doll for her.  His daughter was not satisfied but was more upset when she saw the new doll.  In the meanwhile, my friend’s father took the lame doll and broken leg in his arms and tried to soothen the injured doll.  Later he put the leg in the proper position, stitched it and put a bandage over it.  My friend saw teas of happiness trickling down his daughter’s cheeks.  Here the grandfather correctly understood the feelings of his grand-daughter
  1. Not spending time with children: - Patrick Fontaine, in his book ‘Little talks about life’ tells the story of a millionaire whose son said, “I have often heard that Dad was a fine man.  All his friends have told me so.  I never really knew him.  He was so preoccupied with his business and his club that I only saw his occasionally at meals.”  The millionaire after realizing his mistake, gave as a birthday gift to his 12 year old son a card on which he had written ‘My dear son, from this date, I give you one hour of my companionship on each week day and two hours on each Sunday, to be used exactly as you want them without interference of any kind what-so-ever.
  1. Not developing good rapport with your children: - Patrick Fontaine gives a simple test of loving parents.  He says that if your kinds do not press their noses to the window in anticipation of your coming, you have failed in your duty as a father.  Your children must have so much confidence in you that even if they have committed a crime, they should rush to you for protection though they are fully aware that they are likely to be punished.
  1. Comparing the child with his brothers, sisters or neighbour’s child: - When a child comes home on the day of the result of the annual examination and proudly tells his parents that he stood fifth in his class, the parents should share the joy of the child by appreciating and giving him a gift which would encourage him further.  Do not compare him with the neighbour’s child who always stands first.  This would lead to frustration and the child might give up his studies or attempts to secure better marks.
  1. Quarreling with each other: - Quarrel between parents is most embarrassing to children.  Instead of quarrelling, it is better to settle the differences of opinion mutually and tactfully in the presence of children so that they learn how to adjust and accommodate with each other.
  1. Rushing to help the child even in simple matters: - If a child wants to draw a sketch of house, allow him to use all his imagination, make several attempts and waste as many sheets of paper as he wants.  However, if he asks you to help him or if you feel that he is likely to give us his attempt because of frustration, show him how to draw a simple house and let him make further attempts at copying it himself.  If he draws successfully a figure looking somewhat like a house appreciate if and try to encourage his imagination by asking him questions like, “who lives in the house? Where is the kitchen?” etc.  Every child has a creative ability.  The parents should encourage him to develop his natural talents by providing him with all the opportunities and materials in the best possible manner.
  1. Worrying too much about the future of the child: - You should enjoy and allow the child to enjoy today rather than worrying unnecessarily about his future.
  1. Partiality to one child:- Partiality to one child because he is clever or good looking, means injustice to other children.
  1. Not answering queries of children: - Children are curious and inquisitive.  Parents should answer each question with interest and explain it in a simple way.  It is wrong to suppress their curiosity by telling them to keep quiet.
  1. Imposing your views on child:- Promote independent thinking in children.  They should feel free to discuss their thoughts, views and differences with parents.
  1. Ownership of the child: - To own the child is as good as owning a slave.  Instead of a whip, the parents should employ affection as a tool to punish the child.  The idea of ownership of the child, creation of the child, possession of the child are all basically worthless.
  1. Giving sermons on how to be a good child: - An alcoholic has no right to tell his child to give up alcohol.  Put into practice what your preach.

 

Courtesy: Your Child by Dr.V.B.Athavale